Recently an old friend of mine told me that I seem different. My personal opinions are different. When I asked if it was this was a good thing or bad thing she didn't reply. Part of me wants to dismiss the incident because of my history with this girl- who may not have known me as well as she thought. I don't think I knew her as well as I thought. But that's a whole bag of potatoes I don't want to get into again.

Change is a conscious reaction to events around you. It doesn't just happen- does it? Maybe I'm annoyed that a voice from the past can come out of nowhere and tell me that I've changed. That I'm no longer that person I once was, a person she thinks she knew. It has been almost a year- of course I would seem different, whether or not I actually am. Time makes you forget the little things that constitute the whole. Can I really be defined by those with which I surround myself? Why be defined at all? Opinions do change- as more information comes in perceptions are altered. Why do I feel I have to defend myself? Because it felt more like an accusation than a mere observation.

Well I'm sorry. DID YOU HEAR THAT? This is for everyone. I'M SORRY. I'm sorry that I was so avid in my beliefs when I was wrong. I'm sorry I hurt and/or confused you. That I spoke without thinking- only feeling. That I made you doubt me. I'm sorry I lost your trust. If it helps, I know I fucked up. So now what do I do? I've apologized. I apologized but I don't regret it. Elaine tried to explain regret to me, that was one thing I never fully understood. Would I take it back? Any of it? I would take back the pain and the confusion, but there was also knowledge- and how can I reject that.

I've changed - guilty as charged, I've even been sentenced and punished.

Anything else you want? My Soul perhaps?

i'd like to add that it's also a matter of her changing as well. and there really is no need to apologize for doing what humans are meant to do. it's only natural. if i had to apologize for changing, i wouldn't have any time to say anything else. every single second that passes, there's something in me that changes, and if that's a crime, then let one who is not guilty of the same thing cast the first stone.
—ranor on 2003-11-10 08:14:43

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