So. . . About last night . . . I'm going to deny that it ever happened but . . I guess it did. and it wasn't as horrible as I imagined. I'm such a cliche now. I went to visit a friend in college I go to a frat party and I get sloshed. No- I take that back I was not sloshed - or hammered-- or plastered- or pissed up the wall. I was just really happy. Buzzed and Happy. I can't say as much for one of my companions but she needed to feel something other than what she was feeling at the time. I love you, don't worry, feel better, and know that I am always here for you. I need to move out soon. This is the kind of life I need right now. Independent with room to breathe and grow and move. I feel so tied down now. Stuck. Immobile. Stunted. I love you mommy really I do, but . . . but what? but let me go. I gotta go. I can't go on like this. Where to go though? Where would I go? Yes I would go to college. but where??? Hawaii- I'd love to live in Hawaii just for awhile. And why not during my college years? Or Southern California? I'm a plant, I need sunshine and warmth and water to hydrate and and help me grow strong. Maybe I should try to transfer this fall. . .

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